Im pretty sure I am a jerk, but listen up

has any one seen the chivas whiskey ad? these should be run as public service commericals, I am not kidding. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49Yzx06RLUo (for some reason I couldnt embed the video) a little pretentious, but the message is there! son of a bee sting, how hard is it to get off your blackberry and give a nod? any acknowledgement, even. now I may not be the most shining example of a "good neighbour", hell, I dont even know my neighbours. but this is my point exactly.

Ive noticed over the past couple of years a massive leap towards doucheville in my day-to-day dealings with the so called general public, that its actually sort of terrifying. could you at least pretend to not be a total self involved prick when youre out and about?

the extremely, embarrassingly easy guide on how to not appear like a total dick:

- hold open a door --- classic, simple, and it only takes a second.

- give up your seat to a kid, elder, or disabled person --- I gave a young guy on crutches my spot on the train the other day and he was so shocked and thankful that I was a little embarrassed.

- do not crowd and push to get on the train --- this happens every.single.time I ride the train. trust me assholes, its not going anywhere with out you, so let me out first cause my trip is over.

- put your phone on vibrate --- its in the options menu, Im sure. plus your sean paul ringtone... well, its a fucking sean paul ringtone!

- inside voices --- whether you are in a shop, on transit, in a restaurant, or even actually outside, dont yell. nothing is worse than being around some couchetard who is literaly bellowing in to their phone or shouting in their friends faces. it gives me second-hand embarrassment for you, and I really shouldnt empathize at all. so it pisses me off.

- say yo' please and thank yous --- I mean it.

lets all welcome back common courtesy.

be kind.

i feel cream

peaches. was. awesome.

I first saw this captivating, sex-rock fucking god 2 or so years ago in edmonton, at the starlite room (which remains one of my favourite venues) and swore I would see her at any other given opportunity after that night. and yesterday, at long last, I fulfilled this proclaimation!
I danced. I laughed. I watched her make several costume changes. use numerous props (including a flashing light strapped to her vagina, arm drapes she used as projection screens, and a seemingly useless light sword that the crowd was inexplicably really in to!) it was beautiful.

I hadnt even heard any of her new album, and was instantly and insanely in to it.

I would go on and on and on about this show, but it really is an experience.
fuck! peaches! yea!

ps.
there

pps.
was

ppps.
FOUR!

pppps.
"encores"!

"in the words of my uncle"

iron chef america is awesome.

alright alright, aside from it being totally skewed and edited to make the viewers believe that they really plan, and then prepare an elaborate 5 course meal in 60 minutes time.
also, the waxy looking ninja host is kind of over-the-top.
oh, and the sound editting to make every frame change and head turn sound like a high speed karate chop.
and aside from the smoke machines, lights and the pedestals the iron chefs appear on at the beginning of each show as if they hired the same producers from "AMERICAN GLADIATORS". please tell me you remember that show? you know, with the wall and the balance beam oversized q-tip fights?! oh man! anyways, yea aside all that stupid shit.

iron chef america is awesome.
just like gladiators was.

please play again, sucker

I dont even like tim hortons coffee, but its (still) ROLL UP THE RIM time. and I suffer from a number of annoying symptoms of said time.

annoying symptoms like, going out of my way to drink a tim hortons coffee as often as the change in my pocket, and relative position to one allows. thus leading directly in to the following symptom of not actually enjoying the coffee I just spent $1.35 on. I mean its a buck, right? WRONG. its a waste, and I am lured in to a false sense of 'okay-ness' about spending what is now likely near the $30 mark on shitty, fucking shitty coffee in hopes of winning a vehicle? please. so now, I am a firstly LAME, more poor, sucker for willingly giving myself gut-rot on bad coffee I have convinced myself I am going to strike gold with. awesome.

either the marketing for this campaign is gettin' real good.
or I am getting more desperate.

I have won a "hot beverage". and I have yet to redeem my prize. this gives me the strength I need to get through this season of empty, rim rolling dreams.

ps. if I ever call tim hortons "timmy ho's", I will give the first person to stick my head in an industrial sized coffee grinder, my free hot beverage. redeemable until may 24th, 2009, bitches.

alright, I admit ...

Id like to avoid using words like "stare at" or "creep on", the girl who takes my bus. but that is exactly whats going on here, and there isn't much else I can say about it.

its one of those scenarios where every single way youve thought about making some form of conversation, just seems so outrageously creepy and uncalled for that you have decided to just sit back and enjoy that person for what they are:

awesome after work eye candy.

yep.

olive juice

seeing as I am usually one of canadas most miserble jerks.. whether for laughs, or just because its where I have found my comfort zone, I dont know and can no longer tell the difference. either way, I could probably afford to let some love in and appareciate some of the finer things in life. the things I love, and if not love, for sure like like. youknowwhatImsayin ...

i heart
feeling like I will fucking die if I dont have a coffee in the morning. Im fairly certain this is called 'addiction', but I dont think I mind being addicted to caffiene. I mean, I could feel that way about junk, I could be a fucking junky! so, got me there, sweet sweet caffiene.

i heart
when people smile or laugh, or maybe even a cute combo of both, when they are alone. there isnt a lot of things more awesome than come cute girl (or boy) who smiles to themselves on the train. I dont care what it is that made you do that, but it was great. its hard for me to not do the same, after creeping on them and seeing that.

i heart
the first few patio sessions of the season. spring time is awesome! people are so stoked to be out in the weather, and enjoying say a handful of honeybrown pints is a great way to appreciate some of the finer things about the season turning. like when the chests and legs are back in action. just sayin! oh babes.

i heart
my friends. even though this one of pretty self explanitory, "I love you guys, man!" my friends are a pretty big deal to me. they are my heroes, my laughs, my therapists, my good and bad times, and likely the worst possible influence on the well-being of my liver.

i heart
you know, I used to hate this sort of thing .. but costume and theme parties are the bomb, yo! I think Ive definitely used some of these events as an excuse to wear a mustache, but thats besides the point. the point is, people who are keen to get ridiculously dressed up and in to character are usually pretty keen to follow it up by getting way more loose than your average shmuck. you can hide behind a costume, and that my friends is reason numero uno why almost every themed party I have ever been to, ruled.

i also heart
the sound of skateboarding
fountain cokes when I am hungover
getting the mic at shows
haircuts
roadtrips/cruisin with the windows down

MUCH LOVE!

goodbye $25

so, big suprise. saMAN was terrible. shocker, I know. I will give you a minute to take that all in. I actually feel foolish for spending $25 on an act that I didnt even care to see. ugh! I have passed up so many bands/shows with actual talent at flames central because of the ridiculously high priced tickets, but yet, I dished out $25 for a "DJ" worthy of high school dances and fundraisers for the deaf.. and Im being sparing with the last one, because the room would be full of people who weren't feeling like they just paid money to be kicked in the tit. nice one, lady. I WAS however looking forward to maybe, just maybe seeing lohan, and I mean why not, right? would of been a trip is all Im sayin. though I will say that the crowd was a lot of fun. it was like everyone knew it was going to suck and just wanted to see some hollywood hype. perfect.

scenester

its been a long time coming, but I am bored. I need out of the house. and I need to pay closer attention to a much loved/missed part of my life. jesus, I havent been to more than a couple hows since moving to calgreasey .. I guess I have been teetering on the poverty line, and I DO like to eat, pay rent and talk on my cellphone. therefore, the music scene has come to sit in a sad, but understanding second place.
this month, for sure, things will be different! I vow to change.

BA JOHNSTON !!! march 20th @ the palomino
the pride of hamilton will be at the palomino, and I will be there too. maybe not as shirtless and fat, but definitely just as enthusiastic. perhaps we will share some delicious bacon wrapped corn on the cob. perhaps I will be accidently sprayed with a snot rocket. regardless, its always magical when BA is in town.

SPIKE AND CAITLIN FROM DEGRASSI DJ SET !!! march 21st @ broken city
is it ridiculous I couldnt find an appropriate picture for this? anyways, apparently spike (the teenage mother) and caitlin (the one with epilepsy) are DJs. here are my expectations...
none. I have none. this will probably suck but Im gonna bet its cheap or free. and if I am in the mood, maybe I will dress up like joey j and try to get to second base with caitlin all night. who wants to be my wheels and snake?

WEDNESDAY NIGHT HEROES !!! march 27th @ the stetson
you will be able to find me for certain doing the following three things at this show: 1) battling around up front singing along 2) drinking cheap bottles of beer 3) singing along and drinking cheap bottles of beer. I love the heroes. this will be a sweet show, end of story.

THE JOLTS !!! april 17th @I dunno for sure...
I have been visiting their www.myspace.com/thejolts and I like it. I like it a lot. I also may really like that this means I get to hang out with jeri. so, for me this night will be a win-win. but seriously! check them out!


this evening will be featuring saMAN ronson, at flames central. and wow, I am paying $25. thats $25 more than I would be willing to pay to spit in her face... but Im doin it. full review tomorrow. and possibly a play-by-play of any saMAN vs. lohan bickering/snuggling/coke snorting/slutting around! pending of course, on her even being there. my guess is we will be, I hate to use the term "lucky" enough if saMAN doesnt butcher the speakers with crap DJing, or even manages to show up.

365 x 24 = 8760

as much as I dont like to make a big deal about the single most important day of the calendar year...

my birthday is coming up.

I will wait for the applause to stop.

alright, then. so! lets talk plans... I will be arriving in fernie, brittish columbia in the later evening on the 18th (which is t-mac's birthday, but enough about that). march 19th is my birthday and I would like the following to happen:

- possibly recover from possible hangover achieved from likely good times the previous night

- highfives!

- shred some of fernies 480cms

- apres apres apres

- highfives!

- yum dinner

- highfives!

- highfives!

- highfives!

- some bar Im sure. with some drinks, Im sure

- highfives!

- I might kiss your girlfriend and/or boyfriend

- highfives!

- NO DRUNK DIALS

- sleep

perfect. see you there!

MYSPACE DOT COM

I love myspace. I have endured and kept my account open through hurricane facebook, and I still visit it fairly often. believe it or not, there are some incredible perks to still having a myspace profile.

(side note: I do NOT love myspace for using my profile information for target marketing, I mean, i dont mind, who cares what junk links I have the option of... except for the one that begged "HELP YOURSELF OUT OF HOMOSEXUALITY" well fuck.) otherwise, thumbs up.

alright, so I have largely kept my account open for a few reasons. namely the music and band pages. the updates of tour dates, new songs, available swag and recording news keeps me happy. I have a lot of "friends" that are bands. and I like it that way. for instance, today i found out that THIS http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=2096711&blogID=475059584 is available.. and I want one. anyways, tegan and sara are so cute.. and badass.

I have also kept my myspace.com account open for the amount of random, uncensored creeping you can do. yea, so what? you know you creep on facebook and are completely guilty of the original creeping on myspace. I am not ashamed. in fact, I could consider my creeping top notch. if you have never creeped, I only have one thing to say:

you are lying.

I am not completely sold on any of my other reasons why myspace still holds a place in my heart. those are likely the only 2, but I feel they are pretty solid, and I stand by them.

with love,

dear black velvet whiskey,

thank you for the LOVELY evening, truly one of a kind.

you were chosen not because I had heard exceptionally good things about you, nor was it for your moderately appealling exterior. your appeal does not even lay within... I hesitate to use the term "cheap', but thats exactly what you were. therefore, you stood out from the rest.

regretfully, we will not share any time together ever, ever again.

its not you. its me.

really.

best regards

we are useless.

commercials and years of advertising have conditioned perfectly functioning people in to a consuming, groping, lazy and stupid existence.

things we don't know how to do:
1. eat
2. clean
3. date

these are some pretty major short-comings, considering. I admittingly am not the most health-conscious, tidy or even clean haired individual, and I can still get a date. but what kills me about this entire new low of being... everyone buys in to it?

things we don't need, in relevance to list 1. :
*ahem*
1. we dont need pre-packed, pre-portioned food.
for hundreds of thousands of years, the entire human race survived solely on their own ability to make the proper food choices for sustainability. we shouldn't have to be told how to eat, when to eat and what to eat. you don't need the .001 calories per pack oreo cookie nibbles, no matter what the box says. and as for convenience food, did you know you can buy infant sized microwave dinners? holy. shit.
http://www.hc-sc.gc.ca/fn-an/food-guide-aliment/index-eng.php
ALL YOU HAVE EVER NEEDED.

2. lysol alone, has about 7000 products to make your life easier (and more disposible) than ever. hey, if youre not keen to grab a cloth and maybe a mild cleaning agent to get that pasta sauce off of your stove top, you are not alone! super-micro scubby disinfectant, power core, bubbly single-use washer cloths should do the trick. I like how they try and scare you with the computer edited germs on your every day things. "SWEET JESUS MY SON ALMOST TOUCHED OUR FILTHY HOME PHONE". good thing mum came to the rescue with an anti-bacterial home douching rag.

3. don't be such a tool.

finally.

as the honorary 'Last Person In The World' to play Guitar Hero, I would like to say the following:

"Meh ..."