Monday, June 29, 2009

Im pretty sure I am a jerk, but listen up

has any one seen the chivas whiskey ad? these should be run as public service commericals, I am not kidding. (for some reason I couldnt embed the video) a little pretentious, but the message is there! son of a bee sting, how hard is it to get off your blackberry and give a nod? any acknowledgement, even. now I may not be the most shining example of a "good neighbour", hell, I dont even know my neighbours. but this is my point exactly.

Ive noticed over the past couple of years a massive leap towards doucheville in my day-to-day dealings with the so called general public, that its actually sort of terrifying. could you at least pretend to not be a total self involved prick when youre out and about?

the extremely, embarrassingly easy guide on how to not appear like a total dick:

- hold open a door --- classic, simple, and it only takes a second.
- give up your seat to a kid, elder, or disabled person --- I gave a young guy on crutches my spot on the train the other day and he was so shocked and thankful that I was a little embarrassed.
- do not crowd and push to get on the train --- this happens every.single.time I ride the train. trust me assholes, its not going anywhere with out you, so let me out first cause my trip is over.
- put your phone on vibrate --- its in the options menu, Im sure. plus your sean paul ringtone... well, its a fucking sean paul ringtone!
- inside voices --- whether you are in a shop, on transit, in a restaurant, or even actually outside, dont yell. nothing is worse than being around some couchetard who is literaly bellowing in to their phone or shouting in their friends faces. it gives me second-hand embarrassment for you, and I really shouldnt empathize at all. so it pisses me off.
- say yo' please and thank yous --- I mean it.

lets all welcome back common courtesy.
be kind.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

i feel cream

peaches. was. awesome.

I first saw this captivating, sex-rock fucking god 2 or so years ago in edmonton, at the starlite room (which remains one of my favourite venues) and swore I would see her at any other given opportunity after that night. and yesterday, at long last, I fulfilled this proclaimation!
I danced. I laughed. I watched her make several costume changes. use numerous props (including a flashing light strapped to her vagina, arm drapes she used as projection screens, and a seemingly useless light sword that the crowd was inexplicably really in to!) it was beautiful.

I hadnt even heard any of her new album, and was instantly and insanely in to it.

I would go on and on and on about this show, but it really is an experience.
fuck! peaches! yea!





Monday, April 27, 2009

"in the words of my uncle"

iron chef america is awesome.

alright alright, aside from it being totally skewed and edited to make the viewers believe that they really plan, and then prepare an elaborate 5 course meal in 60 minutes time.
also, the waxy looking ninja host is kind of over-the-top.
oh, and the sound editting to make every frame change and head turn sound like a high speed karate chop.
and aside from the smoke machines, lights and the pedestals the iron chefs appear on at the beginning of each show as if they hired the same producers from "AMERICAN GLADIATORS". please tell me you remember that show? you know, with the wall and the balance beam oversized q-tip fights?! oh man! anyways, yea aside all that stupid shit.

iron chef america is awesome.
just like gladiators was.

Monday, April 13, 2009

please play again, sucker

I dont even like tim hortons coffee, but its (still) ROLL UP THE RIM time. and I suffer from a number of annoying symptoms of said time.

annoying symptoms like, going out of my way to drink a tim hortons coffee as often as the change in my pocket, and relative position to one allows. thus leading directly in to the following symptom of not actually enjoying the coffee I just spent $1.35 on. I mean its a buck, right? WRONG. its a waste, and I am lured in to a false sense of 'okay-ness' about spending what is now likely near the $30 mark on shitty, fucking shitty coffee in hopes of winning a vehicle? please. so now, I am a firstly LAME, more poor, sucker for willingly giving myself gut-rot on bad coffee I have convinced myself I am going to strike gold with. awesome.

either the marketing for this campaign is gettin' real good.
or I am getting more desperate.

I have won a "hot beverage". and I have yet to redeem my prize. this gives me the strength I need to get through this season of empty, rim rolling dreams.

ps. if I ever call tim hortons "timmy ho's", I will give the first person to stick my head in an industrial sized coffee grinder, my free hot beverage. redeemable until may 24th, 2009, bitches.

Friday, April 3, 2009

alright, I admit ...

Id like to avoid using words like "stare at" or "creep on", the girl who takes my bus. but that is exactly whats going on here, and there isn't much else I can say about it.

its one of those scenarios where every single way youve thought about making some form of conversation, just seems so outrageously creepy and uncalled for that you have decided to just sit back and enjoy that person for what they are:

awesome after work eye candy.


Monday, March 30, 2009

olive juice

seeing as I am usually one of canadas most miserble jerks.. whether for laughs, or just because its where I have found my comfort zone, I dont know and can no longer tell the difference. either way, I could probably afford to let some love in and appareciate some of the finer things in life. the things I love, and if not love, for sure like like. youknowwhatImsayin ...

i heart
feeling like I will fucking die if I dont have a coffee in the morning. Im fairly certain this is called 'addiction', but I dont think I mind being addicted to caffiene. I mean, I could feel that way about junk, I could be a fucking junky! so, got me there, sweet sweet caffiene.

i heart
when people smile or laugh, or maybe even a cute combo of both, when they are alone. there isnt a lot of things more awesome than come cute girl (or boy) who smiles to themselves on the train. I dont care what it is that made you do that, but it was great. its hard for me to not do the same, after creeping on them and seeing that.

i heart
the first few patio sessions of the season. spring time is awesome! people are so stoked to be out in the weather, and enjoying say a handful of honeybrown pints is a great way to appreciate some of the finer things about the season turning. like when the chests and legs are back in action. just sayin! oh babes.

i heart
my friends. even though this one of pretty self explanitory, "I love you guys, man!" my friends are a pretty big deal to me. they are my heroes, my laughs, my therapists, my good and bad times, and likely the worst possible influence on the well-being of my liver.

i heart
you know, I used to hate this sort of thing .. but costume and theme parties are the bomb, yo! I think Ive definitely used some of these events as an excuse to wear a mustache, but thats besides the point. the point is, people who are keen to get ridiculously dressed up and in to character are usually pretty keen to follow it up by getting way more loose than your average shmuck. you can hide behind a costume, and that my friends is reason numero uno why almost every themed party I have ever been to, ruled.

i also heart
the sound of skateboarding
fountain cokes when I am hungover
getting the mic at shows
roadtrips/cruisin with the windows down


Saturday, March 14, 2009

goodbye $25

so, big suprise. saMAN was terrible. shocker, I know. I will give you a minute to take that all in. I actually feel foolish for spending $25 on an act that I didnt even care to see. ugh! I have passed up so many bands/shows with actual talent at flames central because of the ridiculously high priced tickets, but yet, I dished out $25 for a "DJ" worthy of high school dances and fundraisers for the deaf.. and Im being sparing with the last one, because the room would be full of people who weren't feeling like they just paid money to be kicked in the tit. nice one, lady. I WAS however looking forward to maybe, just maybe seeing lohan, and I mean why not, right? would of been a trip is all Im sayin. though I will say that the crowd was a lot of fun. it was like everyone knew it was going to suck and just wanted to see some hollywood hype. perfect.